Have you ever been in a conflict situation where you feel your heart rate increase, sweat lines your brow, and your whole body wants to go into fight or flight mode? Yeah, we all have. Dr. Gottman refers to this as emotional flooding. When you feel emotionally flooded, especially with the same person repeatedly, the … Read more
No one is immune to defensiveness. When we feel attacked, our first inclination is to self-protect. This comes in various forms—denial, deflection, excuses, projection. But defensiveness rarely works and ends up hurting our relationships. The third Horseman: Defensiveness Dr. John Gottman defines defensiveness as “self-protection in the form of righteous indignation or innocent victimhood in … Read more
Perhaps it goes without saying, but it is important to note here: positive behaviors build relationships and negative behaviors destroy relationships. We’ve discussed in this blog the 3:1 feedback ratio. This ratio says for every piece of negative feedback you give, you need to give three bits of positive feedback. Of course, the positive and … Read more
Building and maintaining positive relationships take work and intentionality. Needless to say, relationships are easier in the absence of strong emotion and conflict. But when conflict leads to strong emotions, we have a prime opportunity to build trust and strengthen those relationships. On the flip side, when conflict results in emotional flooding, the human tendency … Read more
In my work with teams who make decisions together about tactics, strategy, and personnel, logical fallacies and cognitive biases show up, so I’m going to write a few posts about some of the most common. This is the eighth post in this series. You can find links to the first seven posts at the bottom … Read more
In my work with teams who make decisions together about tactics, strategy, and personnel, logical fallacies and cognitive biases show up, so I’m going to write a few posts about some of the most common. This is the seventh post in this series. You can find links to the first six posts at the bottom … Read more
In my work with teams who make decisions together about tactics, strategy, and personnel, logical fallacies and cognitive biases show up, so I’m going to write a few posts about some of the most common. This is the sixth post in this series. You can find links to the first five posts at the bottom … Read more
In my work with teams who make decisions together about tactics, strategy, and personnel, logical fallacies and cognitive biases show up, so I’m going to write a few posts about some of the most common. This is the fifth post in this series. You can find links to the first four posts at the bottom … Read more
Do you—or someone on your team—say “sorry” a lot? I’m not talking about apologies for infractions. Instead, I’m referring to the reflexive “sorry” uttered habitually when slightly late. Or smoothing the way after a potential minor offense. There is some research that supports the idea that frequent use of the word “sorry” can negatively impact … Read more
In my work with teams who make decisions together about tactics, strategy, and personnel, logical fallacies and cognitive biases show up, so I’m going to write a few posts about some of the most common. This is the fourth post in this series. You can find links to the first three posts at the bottom … Read more