Some people know how to push our buttons. When they do, and there’s an element of truth to it, we get a little testy. We want them to know that we’re angry, but we also know it’s best to avoid full-on conflict. Being passive-aggressive can seem like the perfect solution. We get to subtly punish someone … Read more
Overpowering involves drawing on all the sources of power at our disposal to defeat someone during a conflict. Sometimes that power is social or organizational authority, but sometimes it’s simply using the force of a strong, vocal personality. “It’s NOT GONNA HAPPEN!” Joyce shouted. “Well,” said Marco, “I think things have changed enough that…” “Who … Read more
“Yes, but that logic is flawed.” “Have you even looked at the numbers going back 10 years? Why not use all the data instead of just the most recent?” “We’ve never done that before, and even suggesting it is a waste of our time.” “I can’t even read that font. How can I take you … Read more
I have youth clientele, and I have corporate clientele. When the concept of gossiping comes up with young people, I hear comments like, “I can’t wait until I’m done with high school so I can be done with all this gossip and drama.” Oh, dear young friends. Should I tell them the truth, or let … Read more
I forgot to call to reserve the conference room. This is a problem; we have no place to meet. I dropped the ball, and this messed up other people’s days. But Angela forgot to prepare the agenda. A-ha! I’m not the one to blame anymore. “Well, I guess it doesn’t matter if we have a … Read more
The youngest member of the team was trying to make a point, but the second-most-senior person talked over her. When she tried to speak again, the guy with seniority made no eye contact with her. After the meeting, she stopped by his office, stood in his door and said, “Can we talk more about this, … Read more
I have a couple pet peeves. One of them involves name tags. I hate wearing name tags, but I’m in a lot of situations where people have to wear them: training sessions, week-long camps, trade shows. And I get it – it’s important for people to have an identifiable status, to connect, to be a temporary … Read more
Why do people get melodramatic? Is it an inability to rein in one’s emotions? Is it about getting attention by yelling or acting out? Could it be a search for validation? Drama in others is confusing – it seems immature, attention-seeking and unnecessary. Drama in ourselves? We don’t usually know it’s happening until we’re in … Read more
“You don’t know what you’re talking about – you’re not in the classroom anymore.” I was delivering some professional development to teachers, helping them find ways to incorporate servant leadership concepts in their classrooms. One point I was making: Sarcasm has no place in effective teaching. This point is easy to back up, but nearly … Read more
An (abridged) email from Bart, a client: “…and so we just wondered why you would include the TPS module in your proposal?” My early-in-the-career defensive response was similar to: “Why on earth wouldn’t we include the TPS module? Without it, the rest of it won’t make sense; the TLA segment would totally lack context!” And Bart … Read more