In a recent session, participants were defining moments that changed their own leadership trajectories, and it evolved into a discussion about learning the difference between “direct” and “blunt.” It occurred to us that leaders can sometimes find bluntness and directness to be synonymous. They’re not. And we reached a general conclusion: Most people (but not … Read more
If we’ve been in a room together, I have subjected you to this photo. I use it to demonstrate the maturity levels model and to serve as an analogy for how workplace annoyances and performance shortfalls affect our mindset and behaviors. In this article, there is talk of “descriptive norms,” the notion that our context … Read more
I’ve just started reading Multipliers by Liz Wiseman. I love books with a clear vision which are a combination of hard research and practical application. What Wiseman has done in this book is compare leaders who multiply talent with those who diminish talent. It’s not a general book about leadership; instead, it’s a deep dive … Read more
“Don’t bring me problems; bring me solutions.” Have you heard this? Have you said this? I hear this when I’m working with mangers, especially emerging leaders, but I rarely hear it from accomplished executives. Why is that? Because top-level leaders understand this: If the system works the way it is supposed to, the most capable, … Read more
We’ve all been in a situation where we’ve wanted to merge into an adjacent lane on the interstate. We do our due diligence by checking our mirrors and being aware of our surroundings. When we see the coast is clear, we begin to merge. Then we swing back into our original lane as the horn … Read more
Have you ever been in a conflict situation where you feel your heart rate increase, sweat lines your brow, and your whole body wants to go into fight or flight mode? Yeah, we all have. Dr. Gottman refers to this as emotional flooding. When you feel emotionally flooded, especially with the same person repeatedly, the … Read more
No one is immune to defensiveness. When we feel attacked, our first inclination is to self-protect. This comes in various forms—denial, deflection, excuses, projection. But defensiveness rarely works and ends up hurting our relationships. The third Horseman: Defensiveness Dr. John Gottman defines defensiveness as “self-protection in the form of righteous indignation or innocent victimhood in … Read more
Perhaps it goes without saying, but it is important to note here: positive behaviors build relationships and negative behaviors destroy relationships. We’ve discussed in this blog the 3:1 feedback ratio. This ratio says for every piece of negative feedback you give, you need to give three bits of positive feedback. Of course, the positive and … Read more
Building and maintaining positive relationships take work and intentionality. Needless to say, relationships are easier in the absence of strong emotion and conflict. But when conflict leads to strong emotions, we have a prime opportunity to build trust and strengthen those relationships. On the flip side, when conflict results in emotional flooding, the human tendency … Read more
This is one of the best articles I’ve read on this topic. You can tell it was written by someone with an advanced degree—there is some complexity in the language—but it is all in pursuit of precision, so I can get behind that. Something new I learned from this article: It works to pay managers … Read more