Feelings play a role in every decision we make. We humans love to think of ourselves as fully logical and rational at our best, but we are wired to have emotions. And I’m glad we are. But, it’s also true that I don’t always make my best decisions when I’m emotionally charged. I can put … Read more
Earlier this year we conducted back-to-back DiSC sessions over five days for a single organization. While it was exhausting thanks to Zoom fatigue, it was also rewarding to see the proverbial light bulbs turning on above everyone’s head. In a breakout room, one participant even commented, “This is the missing piece I’ve been searching for!” I have never … Read more
We talk a lot about creating environments where innovation and creative problem-solving can happen. This involves risk. We’re supposed to never punish mistakes; instead, we are to learn from them. However, this can be idealistic. There are times when the stakes are high enough that failure can cause serious problems, not just learning opportunities. People … Read more
I’ve always loved the coaching flowchart from “Coaching for Improved Work Performance.” When someone you lead has a performance issue, this flowchart will help you pinpoint the problem. But if you want a question to get closer to the truth more quickly, here’s a deceptively simple one: Is this a willingness gap or a knowledge … Read more
“Normal” is such a relative term which encompasses a broad spectrum. Since the start of this pandemic, the phrase “new normal” has been used everywhere for just about every situation. The idea is that the pre-pandemic world was “normal,” and the current pandemic situation is the “new normal.” But post-pandemic life will, of course, go … Read more
In a recent session, participants were defining moments that changed their own leadership trajectories, and it evolved into a discussion about learning the difference between “direct” and “blunt.” It occurred to us that leaders can sometimes find bluntness and directness to be synonymous. They’re not. And we reached a general conclusion: Most people (but not … Read more
We’ve all been in a situation where we’ve wanted to merge into an adjacent lane on the interstate. We do our due diligence by checking our mirrors and being aware of our surroundings. When we see the coast is clear, we begin to merge. Then we swing back into our original lane as the horn … Read more
Have you ever been in a conflict situation where you feel your heart rate increase, sweat lines your brow, and your whole body wants to go into fight or flight mode? Yeah, we all have. Dr. Gottman refers to this as emotional flooding. When you feel emotionally flooded, especially with the same person repeatedly, the … Read more
No one is immune to defensiveness. When we feel attacked, our first inclination is to self-protect. This comes in various forms—denial, deflection, excuses, projection. But defensiveness rarely works and ends up hurting our relationships. The third Horseman: Defensiveness Dr. John Gottman defines defensiveness as “self-protection in the form of righteous indignation or innocent victimhood in … Read more
Perhaps it goes without saying, but it is important to note here: positive behaviors build relationships and negative behaviors destroy relationships. We’ve discussed in this blog the 3:1 feedback ratio. This ratio says for every piece of negative feedback you give, you need to give three bits of positive feedback. Of course, the positive and … Read more