I think I can speak for the majority of people when I say 2020 is not a year anyone wants to repeat. The toll this year has brought to individuals, families, businesses, communities, and countries has been heavy on several different fronts. The economic health, mental health, and physical health of the world have been … Read more
“Normal” is such a relative term which encompasses a broad spectrum. Since the start of this pandemic, the phrase “new normal” has been used everywhere for just about every situation. The idea is that the pre-pandemic world was “normal,” and the current pandemic situation is the “new normal.” But post-pandemic life will, of course, go … Read more
In a recent session, participants were defining moments that changed their own leadership trajectories, and it evolved into a discussion about learning the difference between “direct” and “blunt.” It occurred to us that leaders can sometimes find bluntness and directness to be synonymous. They’re not. And we reached a general conclusion: Most people (but not … Read more
We’ve all been in a situation where we’ve wanted to merge into an adjacent lane on the interstate. We do our due diligence by checking our mirrors and being aware of our surroundings. When we see the coast is clear, we begin to merge. Then we swing back into our original lane as the horn … Read more
Have you ever been in a conflict situation where you feel your heart rate increase, sweat lines your brow, and your whole body wants to go into fight or flight mode? Yeah, we all have. Dr. Gottman refers to this as emotional flooding. When you feel emotionally flooded, especially with the same person repeatedly, the … Read more
No one is immune to defensiveness. When we feel attacked, our first inclination is to self-protect. This comes in various forms—denial, deflection, excuses, projection. But defensiveness rarely works and ends up hurting our relationships. The third Horseman: Defensiveness Dr. John Gottman defines defensiveness as “self-protection in the form of righteous indignation or innocent victimhood in … Read more
Perhaps it goes without saying, but it is important to note here: positive behaviors build relationships and negative behaviors destroy relationships. We’ve discussed in this blog the 3:1 feedback ratio. This ratio says for every piece of negative feedback you give, you need to give three bits of positive feedback. Of course, the positive and … Read more
Building and maintaining positive relationships take work and intentionality. Needless to say, relationships are easier in the absence of strong emotion and conflict. But when conflict leads to strong emotions, we have a prime opportunity to build trust and strengthen those relationships. On the flip side, when conflict results in emotional flooding, the human tendency … Read more
This article from a few months ago continues to hold my interest. Written pre-covid, the article makes this point: Asking, “What’s the ROI?” is dangerous if it’s your only consideration. Big data and the ease of collecting information can woo us into making decisions based only on numbers. Data is important, but values are more … Read more
Phil Hartman was one of my favorite comedians, actors, and SNL players. Over the course of his career, he started playing a lot of characters with radio announcer voices, like Troy McClure on The Simpsons. On a Mother’s Day episode of SNL, Phil asked his mom something like, “Mom, I was wondering, what does my … Read more