Alan Feirer Sometimes, by simply acknowledging the feelings of others, you can deflate destructive conflict behaviors and guide the conversation back to being productive. This is an empathetic move. One where you put yourself in their shoes in order to experience their perceptions, their feelings and thoughts, and their point of view instead of your own. It puts both … Read more
Let’s revisit the definition of conflict. Conflict is a difference of opinions involving strong emotions. The strong emotions part is what makes conflict so draining and uncomfortable. When people become too drained, they need time and space to recharge and reflect. One positive approach to conflict that may not seem very intuitive to some is the … Read more
Compromise is one of those things that’s easier said than done. It’s also much easier to see a compromise between people in conflict when you’re not part of the conflict. When you are, however, compromise is that elusive old friend who’s name you can never quite remember. But compromise is a powerful tool. It builds … Read more
Let’s do a hypothetical. Your team is working on developing new software for one of your top clients. They have some complicated stuff going on, and they need a better way to track what’s coming through the warehouses, what’s exiting, and where it’s going in real time. This is a big project and there’s a … Read more
Have you ever heard the saying, “Nobody’s perfect?” Have you ever used that saying? How often do you use it? It’s probably one of the most popular things we say and/or think, because it’s true. But what does it mean to not be perfect? It means that we make mistakes. We fail at the tasks … Read more
I’m going to start with a story from my assistant DeAnne’s family: We enjoy having family nights on Friday nights. Sometimes those are movie nights and sometimes they are game nights. On this particular evening, it was game night, and we were playing a card game, Skip-Bo. We try to pick games that even the … Read more
We don’t know what we don’t know. That sounds obvious, right? But when tensions are high and conflict ensues, our view gets more narrow, and we don’t realize that we don’t know what we don’t know. People who seek counsel tend to consult with trusted advisors to help evaluate risks and possible outcomes. We’ll start with a real-life … Read more
People who exchange perspectives tend to encourage dialogue around new ideas and information. In a dysfunctional situation, a leader may do the opposite; present information without room for discussion. I was part of a team once that had to select chaperones for an international youth trip. The chairman explained exactly how the selection had been made four years earlier. … Read more
Nothing shows humility, grace, and vulnerability like a sincere apology. Note: I’m not talking about a non-apology or a rushed “I’m sorry.” I’m taking about real, sincere apologies that build trust, extinguish guilt, and provide healing. Examples of non-apologies: I’m sorry, but… I’m sorry you took it that way. Oh, yeah. Sorry about that. My … Read more
This week, we’re starting a new series on productive conflict behaviors. In a previous series, we looked at unproductive behaviors. You can find the first post in that series here. Going back to DiSC, some of these behaviors will come more naturally to you than others, depending on your style. For example, if you have … Read more