Effective communication avoids misunderstandings. It can also clear up existent misunderstandings. In our quest to be understood, we may accidentally slip into using one of these versions of a potentially manipulative accusation: “You misunderstood me.”“You must have misunderstood me.”“You don’t get it; you’re not listening.”“If you really heard what I said, you’d understand.” Even though … Read more
We have a habit of withholding in times of stress and change. But what we need to do is get back to the basics of communication and embrace the power of SMaC. Too often we find ourselves in only one circle or one overlap, when we need to be aiming at all three—Be Specific, Be Methodical, and … Read more
Maturity in the Moment is how your actions affect others around you as well as yourself. And in times of change, these actions intensify. Notice that Selfish and Independent fall below the dotted line. The best leaders will avoid these levels when dealing with someone who is already there. Assuming negative intent may pull leaders below the … Read more
Change is inevitable, and for creatures of habit, change is hard. Yet, it’s also necessary. No one deals with all changes well, but there comes a moment in every change cycle when we must make a choice: accept the change or walk away. We call this the “Moment of Resignation.” The Moment of Resignation comes … Read more
When you survey people, formally or informally, beware this common trap: All responses are equally credible. Leaders can get distracted when looking at customer surveys, or employee engagement surveys, based on their own frame of mind at the time. Sometimes, we’re looking for the best, perhaps for reassurance, or to confirm our own biases. In … Read more
The following is an example of a common scene in my sessions with leaders. Me: Raise your hand if you’ve ever said or thought something like this: “If someone has an issue with me or my work, tell me to my face. Don’t hold back or talk about it behind my back; give it to … Read more
Recently, The Leader Campus released a video interview with Jim Kouzes of The Leadership Challenge. I encourage you to watch the whole thing. But here are some of my main takeaways, in case you don’t want to make time to watch it now. One big point from the latest research: While the context for leadership keeps changing, … Read more
There are certain words and phrases that can get us on the defensive before we even know what the topic is. One of the big ones is “No offense, but…” And related cushions followed by the word but. Remember that people on tight teams can handle tough talk. It’s okay for you to deliver tough … Read more
In the December 29 Business Record, my friend Sarah Noll Wilson shared her thoughts on intentions. I’ve learned this year that sometimes we have sneaky, shadow intentions that may influence our actions and conversations without even knowing. Now when something doesn’t go quite right, I ask myself what my real intention was in this situation. If … Read more
I’ve written a lot on this blog about being others-focused instead of being self-focused. If I asked, I’m sure you could come up with a list of outward behaviors for each of the two categories. On the self-focused list would probably be words like tardiness, frowning, complaining, ignoring others’ needs, and declining to help. Words … Read more