Leaders Address Withdrawing During Conflict

Denaja was right. She knew she was right. She had designed four other projects, all with similar scopes. They had gone so well that she was now permanently in a designing role – an expert.

But when Roman gets started, he won’t let up. He dominates, gets aggressive, and can sometimes make personal cutting remarks. So when he questioned the timeline of Denaja’s latest project, she didn’t say a word.

Denaja just figured she would sit quietly through the storm, and either change her timeline to keep Roman happy, or just change it on her own and beg forgiveness later. And, there could be re-work or failure if Denaja doesn’t speak up.

Either way, trust is lost, not built.

Not many people actually enjoy conflict, but it can be extremely painful to some. For them, it provokes anxiety, anger, insecurity, and danger. Every instinct urges them to return to stability and safety.

Clamming up can provide immediate relief by simply shutting out emotional messiness. Denaja, and others like her, keep their heads down and wait for it all to pass. This means they don’t get to assert their own side of things. In the moment, engaging in the exchange can feel overwhelming.

What to do?

Ask yourself, “What’s the worst thing that can happen if I say something, and will things be worse if I don’t?”

Alan Feirer Group DynamicThanks for reading,

Alan Feirer

 

 

 

This is the 16th post in an 18-part series discussing what not to do during conflict situations. Effective leaders avoid portraying these 18 behaviors during conflict and address them in others. Follow along as we explore the negative impact of these behaviors, and what to do instead.

Post 1: Leaders Address Arguing During Conflict
Post 2: Leaders Address Belittling During Conflict
Post 3: Leaders Address Caving In During Conflict
Post 4: Leaders Address Being Defensive During Conflict   
Post 5: Leaders Address Dismissing Others’ Opinions During Conflict 
Post 6: Leaders Address Drama During Conflict
Post 7: Leaders Address Exaggerating During Conflict 
Post 8: Leaders Address Exclusion During Conflict
Post 9: Leaders Address Finger-Pointing During Conflict
Post 10: Leaders Address Gossiping During Conflict
Post 11: Leaders Address Hyper-Criticism During Conflict
Post 12: Leaders Address Overpowering During Conflict
Post 13: Leaders Address Passive-Aggressiveness During Conflict
Post 14: Leaders Address Seeking Revenge During Conflict
Post 15: Leaders Address Sarcasm During Conflict

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